I hope Shonda Rhimes is proud that she ruins every Grey’s Anatomy fan’s life every Thursday.  

Disclaimer: spoilers lie ahead.

Ever since the first season, I knew we were all prepared for a downward spiral of emotion, but I didn’t expect it to be like this. It’s like every season the writers want us to be a little more heartbroken over our favorite character’s death or a tragedy that strikes the hospital.

The first season was great. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) was a brand new intern naïvely working the hospital. She was a love-struck girl trying to balance romantic feelings for her boss, Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey), with her motivation to do well at work while dealing with her mother. It was seemingly perfect—until Derek’s ex-wife showed up.

At the time, that was the worst thing that could happen. But then the second season finale came, when Doctor Izzie’s beloved boyfriend and patient Denny died. I couldn’t bear to watch.

The third season came, and Doctor Burke left his soon-to-be wife Doctor Cristina at the alter.

It’s as if on every season of the show, Rhimes was trying to make me hate her a little more.

Does she take joy in seeing Izzie and Cristina leave, George die, the hospital shot up, a plane crash which kills (fan favorites) Lexie and Mark? I thought nothing could be worse than when Doctor Christina left, but lo and behold, main character and fan favorite,  Derek Shepherd died. McDreamy. The man who started it all—dead.

In one episode, the father of Meredith’s children, friend, husband, Head of Neurosurgery, dead.

The whole series has brought so much pain to me and fellow fans. I’ve never seen Scandal, or How to Get Away with Murder, but if they’re as depressing and heart wrenching as Grey’s, then I don’t want to. Was it truly necessary for Meredith to get attacked by a patient? Did you want us all to cry our eyes out? With every season the pain of losing the original cast gets worse and worse. There are four original people left, and I know you can’t have everybody around forever, but could you at least try to give the characters some compassion and a proper send-off. Instead of random inexplicable tragedies, like being hit by a bus or dying in a plane crash, why can’t they get hired to work in Switzerland like Christina? That would be more pleasing than seeing them march off to their own demise.  

It’s a constant cycle of hope and disappointment. The show is going down a downhill spiral and there doesn’t seem to be hope for redemption.

An imbalance of emotional appeal may have worked well in Grey’s early days, but it’s torturing to the loyal fans that have been there since day one.

Shonda Rhimes, on behalf of Grey’s fans everywhere, you can do better.